Back on my atonement bible, indeed this is my one and only, first and only online dairy where I'm trying my best to atone every sins I committed. To be honest, I'm not just like no any other girls writing about love nor what had happened or their troubles. Somehow I'm kind of serious about my contents inside this mini-bible. And yet now, everyday after work, the only place to rest my worn out soul peacefully is here where within this little world lies my freedom.
Today something just kept going round and round in my mind, kind of bothers me? A little, cause the whole day I kept thinking about it and it made me a little listless. Just like 1 pretty lady who said to me "stop being emo", perhaps I supposed that is what they meant depressed. Talking about depressed, I just felt I'm at least a 100 times better now comparing the "me" a year ago. At least I don't go around injecting my sorrow all over the place nor showing my long and sad face. She's right, life is not like a bed of roses to begin with but that doesn't mean people aren't given the rights to be depressed. Depression is bad, that's what everybody thinks but maybe just once in a while it could be the best treatment. Probably somewhere within this depression, there will be some place where you can really breathe well and release your sorrow and worries.
Eventually, someone told me about this person who's always sad, and what she wrote inside her blog, her MSN's display name were all depressed words and nothing else. It's not wrong to do that but then what's the point of going to do this all the time? Is she going to do these for the rest of her life? Or perhaps was she trying to get more attention from everyone by telling them she needs more care and love? If is so, then I don't think the love we could give would satisfy her cause she knew these sympathies were easy to gain. More personally I feel that she doesn't deserve our love not fit to be loved cause there wasn't any respect at the first place. It causes more sorrow upon seeing having such a friend who used our feelings to fill her vain heart.
If anyone would ask why would I get depressed. Perhaps my reply would be a total disappointment for being a human and born under this beautiful blue sky but yet a rotten world. And if I would die soon, either I would rot deep into my bones with my resentment or regain my freedom after I've freed myself from heavy burdens. I don't get depressed for not having a man as my companion for life. I don't feel depressed even I'm going to be lonely and having an unfilled heart full of emptiness. I don't need to bother whether I have everything or I have nothing. I don't give a damn whether I will forever taste what true happiness is. But just wanted to say live the way we should live, it's our life. We don't owe anyone nor do others. My words to her, "A confession from a drama queen is always a confession for atonement. Ask for forgiveness to free yourself and not asking forgiveness from God to continue your sin"
