Days passed slowly, one after another, nothing stays the same but kept changing. Sun rises and sets, moon turning round to nothing, while I'm growing older. Yet what I felt isn't just simply growing but walking towards death. That's what humans usually does, isn't it? Everyday passes, and each day, our lives are getting more and more closer to death. Death, what is it? How does it looks like? What it meant? Does it makes life miserable? It's part of the human cycle, but some humans doesn't wish for it yet some wishes to try it once. I have not try it before but perhaps some experience of narrow escape from death.
To die, is easy yet it isn't. To die, people wishes it but majority fears. To die, is to lighten burden yet it brings miseries. Nowadays, people kept talking about death, to die, and they felt was fun. They felt that worshiping death and Saturn were cool, perhaps if they really felt horror before, these weren't just cool but turns out to be horror. I had seen how people looked at their lives, some took it lightly till they hurt themselves with penknives while some tried so hard to survive and couldn't make it. I was told not to take this to heart but I should do what I should be doing at my age. Enjoyment, once my prime time is over, I don't even have a single second to do it again. I really thought before, what if I'm gone, what would happen? My parents cried for me? Maybe my mother will but guess my father and brother won't. My friends would thought of me everyday? Most likely not. I wasn't trying to be mean saying that people around were cold-blooded but stating the facts. In this world, being honest is a crime while trying to hide oneself is protection.
Betrayed, lied, abandoned, broken up, I tried all these before. I wonder do they still remember doing this to me before. At the age of 7, I had seen how my friends lied to me. At the age of 12, I had friends abandoning me. At the age of 16, I had someone betrayed me. Should I cry hard now or should I trying to take revenge? Should I take out my anger somewhere else or what should I do? I found out I couldn't smile wholeheartedly like any girls do. Depressed, as always that was all I can do. I was told that caused I needed attention. Another told me that it was because I disallowed myself from happiness. Don't need to teach, I don't need those. I knew I was just an idiotic person trying to lie to myself that I had everything. However as time passes, really had thought, having everything is having nothing, yet vice versa. One have to learn to be contented but I was assured that humans never learn.
It's great born as a human but it's a disgrace born as one of them. I hate myself not because what I am but yet being a human. Ugly and cruel not beautiful and smart describes humans. From what I saw under this beautiful blue sky where this round planet I'm standing on now, is what we called earth. One day when this ugliness and cruelty of humans had over flood the balance, it's time to cleanse everything up.
Even though I'm just a speck of dust throughout the whole universe, being born and brought to this hell prison, I'm already marked as a sinner. I don't prayed to God for help cause I never love Him at the first place, but I would never pray to Saturn to redeem my soul. Within this filthy beautiful world I would want to do something that doesn't require time and I could atone for my sins every second and every minute.
Welcome! To my timeless atonement bible.
