Life is getting more and more painful. I find myself struggling in pain and days just passed so slowly. The air around me is getting tinner than ever, and it's harder to breathe now. So suffocating.
Today I just came back from tutorial, since it's first week of the whole new semester, the timetable is not well planned. No labs, no praticals and some don't even have tutorials. Having a 4 hours break while staying school alone just makes me feel that I'm getting even emptier inside even the atmosphere in campus now is full freshmens. I'm 2nd year already, time flies. Just like I always said years passed as a moment. A year is just a moment. Why do I still find time passed as slow as ever to me now? That slow, just so slow is just as though torturing me.
This morning on the way to campus, saw MingSong. The bus is a double deck, and he came to the upper deck. The upper deck seats are about to fully occupied by students from my school. MingSong saw me, I think he remembered me. Timid as he always is, don't even dare to share the seat with me, while he rather share with the girl seating infront of me. I suppose, I'm that scary enough to share a seat with a ex-schoolmate? Am I frightening? Am I scary? Am I a horrible person? I don't know. I have been wondering. If I'm not someone who is bad, why I don't seem to have any friends?
Having alot of friends are just empty words said by most of us. Cause "friends" is a word to generalise people around us. It's just an empty word. Perhaps this theory applies only to me. I have a few friends, and I suppose should be able to count with the 10 fingers that we had. Maybe one day I do realise that such a insecure person like me, actually in the end don't even have friends. Not even close buddies. I'm just too insecure, trust no one except myself. I guess I'm not fit to have any friends. Today in the bus, surrounded by lots of youngsters, felt as though I'm so left out. I felt I'm already that old. I just couldn't catch up anymore, and that left behind and lonely feelings lurks into my heart.
I just felt that painful for today. That pain, a can't be erased off pain running in me.
