Thursday, September 02, 2010
I'm 22 years old from today now.
Time has become too cruel to me.
I'm in love with myself today. Totally...
No doubt is short today, but I'd like to love myself a little more and more as day pass from this moment onwards.
I'm a full grown mature woman with pride. Good night. :)
I wanted to say sorry. Because this feelings were so heavy that they were crashing down on me. I felt so suffocated.
At first, I thought these were feelings of infatuation but now has it became a crush of a fond towards him? I couldn't care less and all I could think of was just being hold by him.
So it was true of what William Shakespeare meant by "Desire of having is the sin of covetousness". I've committed something heinous.
I wished it had rained today like yesterday. So I can sleep well but I think I'll be having insomnia tonight.
Walked home alone today listening to music and suddenly I felt so depressed. Despite I had spent about 40% of my time on listening to music from the point I woke up to the point that I fell asleep. My emotions just swings according to the thoughts that flashed in my mind. Still, listening to music has become an important piece of puzzle in my life for controling my emotions.
Life has gotten more boring as everyday passes by. What had I done? What am I gonna do? What can I do? Where will I be? Where can I go? Here, I asked a question...
...will anyone remember me? I felt like a bubble in the air. Listening to an old song, Yellow by Coldplay now.
Someone told me, whenever I'm alone, I'd always looked so sad. I'd want to know. Why is that so.
He, whom I once loved, said so. He, who saw me laughed, my smile, crying face, endured my frustration and went through with my depressive nature. Caught my every moment in his camera. But was praised during sun rise, my smile is similar to the warm sun rays. He said he couldn't leave me alone as I'd looked as though I'm going to cry any moment.
Tonight, I looked into the mirror. I couldn't find that anymore. Had I changed? Life is getting hard for me to endure. Right now, this minute, I can't hold my heart from crying so sadly.
I can't help it... feeling so heartwrenching.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Is a rainy day today. The whole of today I was waiting for this moment to come writing about my thoughts. Listening to Yoko Shimomura's "Twinkle Twinkle Holidays" made me want to dream. As I saw myself had fun holding hands with someone I love and shopping around an old town market.
Tonight as I walked home looking at the beautiful clear night sky, and kept on looking at the lonely star shining between the sky bridges. I wonder if he was gazing at the same star as I do even though he's faraway.
However, it was just my plain imagination. Does he, whom I have fallen in love with, did exist? Just thinking of this question, I can't help but want to cry. I felt so empty at 10:28pm.
I couldn't sleep yesterday night. Was wondering why is that so but I couldn't stop myself from thinking about him so badly till I had insomnia.
My mind is all images about him and these were just mere feelings of infatuation. Even though I had long forgotten this diary that reflects my life and truth being, I'd wish I have the habit of coming back here again.
Tonight, I felt so guilty as though I had betrayed someone whom I had once loved before. Since that day, the love we shared had ceased.
Will we be able to move on without him knowing this unforgivable secrets? I doubt so...
